How lust, infatuation and love show up in relationships (bonus: self-reflective questions to ask)

Earlier in our previous article, we talked about lust, infatuation and love and how to tell them apart theoretically. If you missed it, we encourage you to read it before continuing as it would be helpful to have that as a starter. In a nutshell, lust wants the body, infatuation wants the feeling and love wants the whole and genuine Sakaiza.

Here, we are going to dive deeper into how these feelings show up in relationships or how to tell them apart in real life relationships. As a reminder, our main goal at Sakaiza is to educate on how to foster a meaningful lasting relationship when it comes to love.

One of the reasons we decide to talk about them here too is because lust, infatuation and love can overlap, especially early in a relationship. Here are some practical signs and questions you can ask yourself:

Lust in Relationships

How it shows up:

• You’re mainly focused on their looks or sexuality.
• Conversations are mostly physical or flirtatious.
• You’re not that interested in their personal thoughts, dreams, or values.
• Things move very quickly, especially physically.

Ask yourself:

• Am I more interested in being with them in private than talking or spending quality time?
• Would I still want to be around them if sex or physical contact weren’t involved?

Common trap: Confusing chemistry with compatibility.

Infatuation in Relationships

How it shows up:

• You’re obsessed or overly excited—they seem perfect.
• You think about them constantly, even if you don’t know them well.
• You ignore red flags or overlook flaws.
• You idealize them—they can do no wrong.

Ask yourself:

• Do I really know this Sakaiza, or am I in love with an idea of them?
• Am I rushing into things because I want this to be something more than it is?

Watch out: Infatuation often fades when reality kicks in—when you start seeing flaws or the “honeymoon phase” ends or the “coup de foudre” no longer lightens you up.

❤ Love in Relationships

How it shows up:

• You genuinely care about their well-being and happiness, even when it doesn’t benefit you.
• You feel comfortable being yourself.
• You handle conflict respectfully, not just run or avoid it.
• You admire who they are as a person—not just how they make you feel.

- The relationship grows stronger over time, even through challenges.

Ask yourself:

• Do I respect and accept them as they are, including their flaws?
• Do we support each other’s growth and goals?
• Can I imagine being with this person through good and bad times?

In sum, love grows through understanding, patience, vulnerability, and shared experiences—not just attraction.

As we noted in our previous article, many relationships start with lust, turn into infatuation and can develop into love if there’s mutual respect, care, and compatibility. But not all lust or infatuation becomes love—and that’s okay!

In our next article, we are going to look at examples as stories to show how Sakaiza often go from lust to love—or get stuck in infatuation.

Gathered by ~ajita SoaSoa

Photo by Smiley Shooting