The 5 love languages

There are 5 love languages. What does that mean and which one do you speak?

According to the book by Gary Chapman, marriage counselor, 'The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts', there are 5 love languages. That is, 5 different ways of communicating our love for others, and therefore, conversely, 5 different ways of understanding that we are loved in several stages. The first is to first recognize what our love language is. Then, recognize our partner’s love language to finally become bilingual or trilingual etc. That is to say, speaking our language and that of our partner. Often we make the mistake of showing our love to others as we would like it to be shown to us. On the other hand, understanding this very human and common error would help us better aim for the happiness of a couple and love our partner as we would like to be loved.

Here is a summary of each of the 5 languages.

1) The first language of love is: “words of affirmations”

There are several ways to tell others that we love them through affirming words. You can encourage your partner, say sweet words, give compliments, recognize their abilities and appreciated actions by thanking them.

If your partner speaks this language, remember that words have surprising impacts in making love last! You can learn their language by giving them something rewarding every day.

2) The second language of love is: “quality time”

Certainly, spending quality time together can mean being together while feeling that we are important to each other, sharing activities etc. But also the goal is to above all show attention and commitment. To have a quality dialogue, where we share our deep and sincere thoughts, our feelings and desires, our experiences, in an uninterrupted way (therefore without our phone, or other screens). That is to say, sharing a moment together where openness, attentive and genuine listening are very important to guarantee quality dialogue.

3) The third language of love is: “receiving gifts”

Here, we can say that not only giving gifts to your partner is one of the little touches. It is not the cost that matters here: it is rather a symbol showing that you have taken time to think about them, about what would please them occasionally or not, and in their absence. But at the same time, the presence of others when we need them most is a valuable gift.

If gift giving is your partner's love language, you could surprise them from time to time within your means.

4) The fourth language of love is: “acts of service”

The services rendered by our own initiative have an even greater value. Like helping with errands and household chores, etc. You can also spot all your partner's requests for help that might please them, and thus show them your love if that is their primary language.

5) The fifth language of love is: “physical touch”

These can be tactile gestures that show affection for the other. Hold hands, snuggle up against them, give a massage on the back, neck...

Moreover, if physical contact is your partner's language, it is simply a question of frequency of touch which is necessary to make them understand that you love them.

In sum, we can see that with these tools, we learn to decipher one’s love language. Being able to best target our love language allows us to learn and speak our partner's language correctly or show them our love through their language. This may help us understand, identify gaps and clarify our choice to thrive. Choose to meet our needs to build a healthy and lasting relationship, in your relationship but also with those who are valuable in our eyes.

Translation: ~ajita SoaSoa

Photo: Smiley Shooting